Why Aren't You Going to College?:
The Answer

by Emily Riley

Emily Riley is the oldest of the 9 living children of Leslie & Christy Riley. She is an avid student of history, theology, politics, current events, creation, -- and most recently -- astronomy (but she still hates math). Emily is a dilligent worker in her home and for her father's various activism. She is serving in her church and family. Emily is preparing herself practically & spiritually to be a keeper at home & helpmeet to her husband, while being content to wait for her heavenly Father to reveal His perfect will for her life.

As a nineteen-year-old recent homeschool graduate, I am frequently asked by friends and relatives what my "plans" are--by which is usually meant, "Where are you going to college?" and "What will you study to be when you get there?" Often, when I tell them that, rather than attending a college or university, I plan to continue my education and life-training under my father’s roof, the reaction verges on shock. Generally more questions follow, as:

"Why don't you want to go to college?"

"How are you going to learn to support yourself--say if something happened to your husband, or you never find a husband?"

"How else are you going to meet interesting people and get the social experience you'll need for real life?"

"How will you get a good education otherwise?"

"What are you going to do with yourself if you don't go to college?"

In our time the church has drifted so far from the Biblical standard that it is more needful than ever to re-examine all of our customs in the light of Scripture--including that of sending children, particularly daughters, off into the world (via college, the workforce, or "ministry" opportunities that take them away from home) to experience a stage of independence between the parental home and families of their own.

As I answer the above questions, I shall try to show why, as a Christian daughter, I have chosen to remain under my father’s roof until marriage. I believe this is God’s will, not only for my life, but for all young women.

Why don't you want to go to college?

There are a number of reasons why I have chosen not to attend university. Some apply only to daughters; others to young people of both genders. Some are matters of principle, while others are simply pragmatic. All of them are important to me; and I believe all of them are part of a thoroughly Biblical worldview. Here I deal with some of the main ones.

1. A young woman who is attending a university is outside of the authority of her parents and the protection of her father.

This is the most important and the most Scripturally plain. The Bible clearly states that women are to be under the authority and protection of men, in both the Old and New Testaments (see Gen. 2 &3, Num. 30:3-16, I Cor. 11:3, I Tim. 2:12, for example). This means that a wife is under her husband’s authority, and also an unmarried daughter is under that of her father (I Corinthians 6:34-38). The daughter’s duty is submission, respect, and obedience; and the father’s is loving protection and godly guidance. This is the created order; this is why all women have a built-in need and desire for masculine protection and love.

But a father cannot provide the physical and emotional protection that is his duty to a daughter who is away from home for eight months out of twelve. Thousands of young women today--girls who have been raised to reject the world’s system of dating, in order to wait on the Lord to bring them loving husbands--are now emotionally vulnerable, because their fathers cannot protect them long-distance. So these unprotected, often homesick and lonely young ladies find themselves tempted emotionally by young men. Even a girl who before leaving for college thought that she would never "go out with a guy" can easily fall into this snare if a young man is nice and good-looking ("Well, I"m not really dating him; we just hang out together," is how it will start). When she is under her father’s direct protection, she is going to be kept from these entanglements. She might also be sought by young men who aren't so nice--or seem nice but aren't. A young girl may think she can avoid worthless young men; but a girl can be blinded by her emotions. It’s harder for the same young man to deceive her father. So we need our fathers to protect us from unworthy men. A godly father can see through a young man’s professions far more readily than his daughter can. But it is impossible--not just difficult--for a father to provide this kind of protection to a daughter who is not living under his roof.

Daughters--and sons, too--are also required to obey both parents (Exo. 20:12, Deu. 5:16, Eph. 6:1-3). Most Christian young ladies living on campus believe that they can still obey their parents, though no longer under their daily authority; but it is very difficult for parents to exercise Biblical authority over a young person who is away from home for months or weeks at a time. Incidentally, this is also true of the authority of the local church. A young woman of seventeen or eighteen (an age particularly liable to the temptations of the world), living on a university campus, away from home for an extended period for the first time in her life, surrounded by peers who are usually all "living it up", enjoying life away from authority, is going to find it very difficult to continue to honour and obey her parents regularly in thought, heart, and action. Phone calls and frequent weekend visits are no substitute for constant "when you lie down and when you rise up" instruction and the daily exercise of loving authority.

2. A young woman attending college is constantly exposed to Marxism, Feminism, and other anti-Christian philosophies.

Over the last century, universities and colleges have become major instruments in Marxism’s attack on Christianity. The university’s part in this battle is the infiltration of the worldview of Christian young people. This is done by constantly, systematically teaching the tenets of Cultural Marxism.

A Christian student enters college at eighteen. Her worldview (or his worldview--this is one that also applies to young men) is thoroughly Biblical. She has been taught by godly parents to view every part of life and history through the lens of Scripture. She has been trained to think things through, rather than accepting everything she’s told. If she is going to a secular university, she may even be looking forward to challenging her professors and defending her faith in front of the class. After her arrival she is hit with a constant stream of feminism, socialism, humanism, evolution, and every other lie devised by man, in all of her classes--from history and humanities, to science and mathematics. She may have intended in the beginning to challenge and debate. But after a while, she starts to become worn down; or she may afraid to attack the professor as a person of authority, since her parents have trained her to respect those over her. She ends up deciding to give the answers "they" want to get, because that’s the only way to get good grades. She probably thinks that this is having no effect on her real opinions and beliefs, but it is. She is being conditioned to accept their philosophy, in action if not in thought, to always give the "right" answers.

Lest my readers think that this is exaggerated, or else only true of extreme liberal, secular universities, here is one young woman’s account of her "education" at one of our more conservative, "Christian" colleges:

"Only a few weeks into my time at college . . . my Western Civ. professor declared that history was really a series of “uncoordinated” and “random” events. . . . As his worldview continued to unfold, I could only sit in utter disbelief. My Christian professor made it quite clear that he was a theistic evolutionist and did not hold to the belief that the Bible is infallible. . . . [My father] urged me to ask questions and make it a point to disagree with the professor in my term papers. . . . When one of my literature professors began to reveal her feminist beliefs and advocate “women’s studies” (including “love poetry” written by lesbians), I wondered if I was really in a Christian school. The New Testament professor under whom I sat for several semesters used every one of his lectures to advance his pet belief that all the male-female roles in Scripture were solely “cultural” and did not apply to Christians today. He inserted feministic jabs at the reliability of Paul’s writings at every opportunity. I"d known before that there were people who rejected the plain teachings of Scripture, but I didn't expect to encounter them in a small, “conservative” Christian college. I purposed to keep my eyes open and my brain in gear as I sat in class and engaged my professors. But I didn't factor in the ability of constant immersion in opposing worldviews to wear down my resistance. In almost every course I studied over the next four years, a subtle but definite shift began to take place in my outlook and way of thinking. . . If “science” had “proved” the Bible wrong and outdated, Truth stood on a very shaky foundation. Could logic even be reliable in a world where Truth Himself could be called into question? . . . Month after month, my foundations had been eroded to the point that I didn't even know how to argue any more. I just gave up and put the answers on the tests that would give me the coveted “A“."  

Some young ladies may object, "That could happen to some people, but not to me. I"m strong in my faith; I"ve studied apologetics. I can stand my ground; I"m not going to burn out before graduation." But this a dangerous pride, whether on the part of the student or her parents. The Bible says, "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." (I Cor. 10:12). This can happen, even to a true believer, no matter how well she (or he) has been trained by their parents; no matter what system of education they"ve been taught by; no matter how wise they think they are. An inexperienced young person of eighteen or nineteen is not yet equipped to stand against constant opposition from those they are paying to teach them.

3. A young woman attending university cannot spend her time in preparation for the Biblical role of women.

The role of women in the Biblical is that of supporter--"a helper meet" for her husband. "For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man" (I Cor. 11:8 & 9). This is reiterated often in Scripture by example, precept, and implication. A woman’s calling in the Kingdom is to support her husband (or her father if she is unmarried) in his calling. Christ is most glorified as they both accept their roles. As Longfellow said, they are "useless each without the other".

This being so, it is every young woman’s duty to prepare herself for this calling before marriage, while still living under her father’s authority. Preparing for a woman’s calling is more than simply learning to cook, clean, and change diapers (though that is part of it). If that were it, this stage of education might not be so incongruous with university attendance . In order to fulfil her calling to the glory of God, a young lady should spend her time prior to marriage in studying to develop whatever talents God has given her; in striving for the Christian character a godly wife should have; and in helping, supporting, and submitting to her father in his chosen calling. Whether a university provides the best environment for a young woman to develop her intellectual gifts is discussed below. However, it is certain that a girl cannot apply herself to helping her father if she is pouring her time and energy into her college education.

4. A young woman who is attending a university is separated from her family.

Our families should be our best friends. God often uses the family in a mighty way for His Kingdom; but He uses families that are united. A family cannot be united if they don't love being together, enjoying one another’s company more than that of anyone else, loving to "do everything together." In this age of individualism, family unity is usually downplayed or derided. It is the duty of every Christian family to show this world an example of this joyful unity in Christ. We young people want to be best friends with our future spouses and children; we should begin by being best friends with our parents and siblings.

Without daily interaction, our friendship with our families decays. Not that we stop caring about our families; our emotions towards them do not change; but their everyday interests are no longer ours; we live separate lives. Perhaps my reader may have seen this happen when dear friends become geographically separated. At first we talk and write often and see each other as often as possible; but as time goes on the calls, letters, and visits are less frequent. We still have the common memories, affections, and tastes that first drew us together; we still have some interest in one another’s lives; we still enjoy our occasional get-togethers; nothing has really "happened" to our friendship. But over the months and years both sides have developed new interests and formed new friendships, sometimes with people our old friends have never heard of. This isn't because we don't care about one another anymore; it is the natural consequence of time and distance.

This is what can happen between a young person in college and her (or his) family, especially if her university is physically distant from her home. But this situation causes more permanent damage than a move away from old friends. This is a young person leaving the shelter of her home for the first time. Just as a young lady away from her father’s loving protection will seek protection elsewhere, so a girl (or a young man) newly "out on their own" will find replacements for the friendship of her family (and that of other friends her family life has brought her). In the college environment, almost all of the people she meets are of her own age group, so this is where these new friends come from. The result four years later is that most of her close friends are her peers in age and condition. Though I am not opposed to young people having friends of their own age, I do believe that when all of our closest associates are our peers, it creates a dangerous situation. It can and usually does lead to peer dependence. When you"re used to spending most of your time with your peers, the transition back into ordinary, un-age-segregated life is difficult. You have learn again how to relate to those older and younger than yourself; those who live a bit differently than you; in fact everyone who is not an eighteen-to-twenty-two-year old college student. This is just one of the dangers of four years of separation from the family.

5. A young lady who is attending a university spends four years of her life in an environment that is removed from real life and is often damaging and dangerous.

One argument for college attendance I hear a lot is that it provides an opportunity for a "real world" socialization experience, away from the ’sheltering" my parents have provided. As for socialization, I have already pointed out that this ’socializing" is limited to people of one’s own age and situation. A young college student has little opportunity to spend time in the mixture of all ages and backgrounds that they will encounter for the rest of their lives.

But more relevant to my present point is the definition of the phrases "real world" and "real life". What do they mean by "the real world"? What is this "real life" we are to experience?

By "experiencing the real world", people usually mean immersing yourself in this God-hating, pleasure-bent culture, and by this immersion becoming hardened to it. They believe that we must be tolerant of others" beliefs, even when they are direct conflict with our own; that we should avoid being too "controversial", though God’s Word commands us to be ever ready to give an answer for the hope that is in us (I Pet 3:15); that we should fit in with those around us, though we are told not to conform to this world (Rom 12:2); and that we should strive be accepted by others, though our Lord said that we would be hated by all men for His name’s sake (Luke 21:17). The college campus is certainly the place to learn these things.

The university campus is at best a place for young people to enjoy life with little authority or responsibility; at worst it is a centre of rampant debauchery and perversity. And sadly enough, it is an accurate reflection of life in our culture. This is that "real world" that these well-meaning, Christian people want us to be exposed to: a world of irresponsibility, egalitarianism, hedonism, false ideas of romance, devaluation of children, attacks on the family, nature worship, and selfish individualism; a world that has "exchanged the truth of God for a lie". If that is the real world, then, as Puddleglum the Marsh-wiggle said, "the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones". ³

Before moving on to my sixth and last reason, I must add that "evil company corrupts good habits" (I Cor 15:33).That doesn't mean that four years on a university campus will invariably lead to a life of gross immorality; but living in this environment will affect a girl’s worldview to some degree. She becomes a bit more calloused to the wickedness of the world. Sin looks a little more normal to her. On top of all this, on many campuses there is a real danger to a young lady’s physical safety. Altogether, the university campus is a bad environment for a Christian young person, particularly a young lady.

6. A young lady attending college does not receive a quality education.

I place this last, as to me it is least important; but it is a fact. Colleges are no longer institutes of higher learning, but rather of inane and repetitive courses. As public schools (as well as many private ones) turn out less accomplished graduates, universities "dumb down" their curriculum to fit the abilities of these students. The intelligent and industrious student must work on a level to suit the others, and so spends much of his time studying material he may have mastered long ago. I have heard from adult college graduates that much (ninety percent according to one) of college education consists of simply repeating on the tests the content of lectures and textbooks.

If this is the case, why is a college degree considered proof of a good education? I have also been told that in most businesses a college degree is no recommendation, yet it is still cited as a help towards getting a good job. There are very few professions (such as medicine) in which a degree is still required, and none of them are those a young woman, married or unmarried, should pursue (biblically speaking). A young person can easily get excellent academic and vocational training without ever setting foot on campus. The notion that college is the only way to get a good education simply doesn't hold water.

These six are the main reasons for my belief that attendance at a college or university is neither the most profitable nor the most Christ-honoring use of my youth. There are exceptions to each one--some (not all) Christian colleges do not teach anti-Christian philosophies; some colleges, both Christian and secular, still maintain academic integrity; and possibly a young woman may attend a university while still living at home. But at least one of the individual reasons applies to every college and university; and the third and fifth apply under any circumstances. I shall address some of the more practical issues as I answer the remaining questions.

How will you learn to support yourself?

The simple answer to this question is that I won't learn to support myself--that is, learn career skills--because I won't be supporting myself.

The idea that a woman (including an unmarried woman) must know how to support herself financially has no place in a Biblical view of the family. It has only been in the last century that it has become the norm. Scripturally, a woman lives with her father and is financially supported by him until marriage, when her husband takes over. When her husband dies, if he was unable to leave sufficient resources for her support, her children, particularly her sons, take care of her. If she has no children old enough, her family, her husband’s family, or the local church help her financially. In any case, the primary support for the family is provided by men. However, this doesn't mean that wives and daughters are nothing but a burden, making no economic contributions to the family.

A wife may contribute to the family finances in several ways: by running the household efficiently and without waste; by helping and supporting her husband in his work; and, if time and resources permit, through home business (as the famous "Proverbs 31 woman" did). Daughters may contribute by helping their mothers in these pursuits (and thus training to be good wives themselves). In the Biblical family there is no need for a young lady to learn to support herself by a career outside the home.

How will you get a good social experience?

I have already discussed this peer-centered, age-segregated socialization, which is far from being a profitable experience. But that doesn't mean I am opposed to spending time in the society of others and enjoying the fellowship of other believers. I think we young people miss out on a lot when we limit our friendships to those of our own age. If I were living on a college campus, my social life would consist of "hanging out" with other young people of my own age who could be at or below my own level of mental and spiritual maturity. Since I am living at home, I am free to spend time with a variety of people in a variety of settings. I can continue to spend a lot of time with my family--and with a thirty-nine-year age spread in my immediate family, and four generations of extended family, that is a wide social experience in itself. I can also enjoy the fellowship of other believers in my local church and at home, and benefit from the conversation of older Christians. I can meet people of all backgrounds at political rallies, and listen to the discussion of the issues of our times at conferences; and I may even enjoy the company of other young people in a family-oriented setting. This is only a sampling of the broad social experience I will get outside of the university campus. Why would I want any other?

How will you get a good education otherwise?

This one is easy to answer. There are many ways to continue my education without attending college; in fact, I can acquire a better education at home than at most universities, while avoiding the socialist indoctrination of the college classroom.

The Internet has made it simple to take courses in any subject you could wish by correspondence. With hard work, a student can actually complete a degree program in a much shorter time than she could on campus. Another option--the one I have chosen--is to give yourself a liberal arts education through thoughtful reading and discussion. The greatest American statesman of our time, Howard Phillips, once said, "You will be the same person today that you were a year ago, except for the books you read and the people you meet". Mr Phillips' words well express the content of a well-rounded education for the Christian student.

What are you going to do with yourself if you don't go to college?

Most people believe that there are two ways to go upon graduation: either college, or entering directly into the workforce. The only other alternative that they know of is to spend those four years sitting around the house, eating junk food and watching television, while either living off your parents (without making any contributions towards the family) or working a series of meaningless part-time jobs. These people suppose that those who do not attend a university choose to stay at home out of irresponsibility. This is such a misconception. I and the other young ladies I know who have chosen this way, chose it because we believe it is the most Christ-honoring, Biblical, and productive way to spend our remaining years at home, whether those are four years, ten years, or fifty years.

I recently was privileged to meet a very Kingdom-minded family. Of their seven children, five are grown and have finished their formal schooling. They had rejected the practice of pushing sons and daughters out the door to college or work as soon as they hit eighteen. Their five adult children (two of them daughters) all remain at home until they have families of their own. But these young people are anything but lazy, unfulfilled, or wasting time. They are carrying out the Great Commission as they follow their parents" vision. All five have worked as independent filmmakers, three have been speakers at various conferences and retreats, two are published authors, one is an acclaimed graphic designer, and three have used their musical talents both as performers and composers to the glory of God. These young people are Christ-honoring and productive in ways they could never be if they had chosen instead to leave the family home for college and the workforce. Maybe not all of us will be able to use our years at home in such a remarkable way; but all of us can use the talents God has given us to bless our homes, churches and communities.

The most important employment for a young woman is to continue to serve her family (as hopefully she has done throughout her teen years). An older daughter can be a great blessing in the day-to-day life of the household, especially if she has younger siblings--in fact, it is the best way to develop both the skills and character necessary for a wife and mother. When she has finished her own formal education she is also free to take over some of the teaching of the younger children. There are also a number of things a young woman can do outside of the physical home, while still working under her father’s authority. She can obey the Scriptural command to bear one another’s burdens by such ’small" things as helping young mothers with their children or spending time with older members of the church. She can apply Titus 2:4 to her relationship with younger girls. If her father’s job allows, she can work part-time alongside him, which can be a great encouragement to him if he has to spend a lot of time away from the family. She can help her family financially by a home-based business. A young lady may have talents in specific areas, such as music, art, writing, design, home decorating, gourmet cooking, or business; all of these and more can be used from home. The young lady who is preparing to attend college because "there’s nothing else to do" would do well to look around at all the overlooked needs and opportunities. She might be surprised at the number of ways she could profitably fill her time.

Some might raise the objection that "a girl should be able to do what she wants with her life". This is another of the lies of modernism. For it is not her life; it is God’s life that He gave to her. She should do what He wants with it; and for a Christian, this should be what she wants to do. A young woman may feel that she is wasting her talents at home, that they might be better used in another sphere; that the way for her to glorify God is elsewhere. But these talents were a gift to her from the same God who created her a woman and gave her a woman’s mission. He is glorified when we do as He commands. When a woman of any age lives in obedience to God’s Word, her view is anything but narrow; her horizons anything but limited; her ability to use her particular gifts anything but impaired. There is a great joy in obedience. I for my part cannot imagine what would induce any young woman to leave this life behind, even for a short time, in order to enter this God-hating modern world via college.

I hope I have sufficiently answered those who wonder why on earth I have chosen to stay under my father’s roof rather than experiencing the independent stage. It is my hope and prayer that the Lord may use this writing to cause some young lady to rethink her own "plans" and return to the joy of life with her family and the pursuit of God’s plan for His daughters. Soli Deo Gloria

More information about the role of daughters in the home, as well as more ideas for productivity at home, may be found in the book So Much More: The Remarkable Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God, by sisters Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin, and on the Botkin sisters" website, www.visionarydaughters.com. For a testimony from experience, see the audio recording Jennie B. and the Pilot by Jennie Chancey, an amazing story of how one young woman was led into rebellion and feminism through her college experience, and how God brought her to repentance; available at www.visionforum.com. If anyone has any questions about my position, you may email me through the administrator of this site (and my father) at lesriley@bellsouth.net.

Endnotes

1. Jennie Chancey, in Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin, So Much More: The Remarkable Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God (San Antonio: The Vision Forum, 2005)

2. "Education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations." (Noah Webster, American Dictionary of the English Language, 1828)

3. C. S. Lewis, The Silver Chair, New York: HarperCollins, 1953