A Danger of "Uniting Church and Home"
Preface by Leslie Riley

Brethren, long before I knew that Vision Forum or the "Patriarchy movement" were popularizing family integrated church model, as well as a family centered lifestyle we have believed and lived this way. We thought we were the only family in the world who didn't want to send our children to Sunday School, Children's Church, Youth Group, etc.

Therefore, we were excited to find out that there were others out there who held to this view and articulated/ promoted it to other Believers so well. We have, therefore, supported and pushed "Patriarchy" & "Family Centered" Ministries.

However, there is a real danger in this as well. Throughout our pilgramage, we have seen so many of our Brethren turn good things ( even godly, Biblical things) into "THE THING". I'm sure we have been often guilty of this as well. In this peice "Worshiping Idols, Family Style", originally published in Every Thought Captive, Jay Barfield does a wonderful, balanced job of warning "Family Centered" Christians against a very real danger that threatens their own Spiritual well-being as well as doing harm to the Body of Christ & His Kingdom.

Worshipping Idols, Family Style

by Jay Barfield

The recent trend in many Christian circles to rediscover God's desires for covenant family life is obviously a good and right thing. Many fine ministry initiatives have made this their main mission. Many churches are seeking to orient their entire ministry model around keeping families together as much as possible, seeing that when they are together, they are stronger. I acknowledge and embrace that fully.

We do need stronger families. But that is not God's purpose. His purpose for all things is his own glory. It does not take a detailed examination of Scripture to see that God does not do things in a willy-nilly or capricious manner. He is one God, with one ultimate purpose. There are various ways and phrases in which he communicates this purpose, but the main purpose is a singular one. He created us to be in families. This was not His end, however. It is only one of his means to achieve His plan of redemption for all of creation, which is for the overarching purpose of His glory. His normative (but not exclusive) pattern for redemption and the calling of all His elect throughout history has been through godly families. This is why strong, godly families are so desired.

However, as is so often the case, we tend to get our ultimate priorities mixed up. We forget the foundational purpose for strong families. To illustrate, I have had conversations that have gone similar to the following progression. "Jay, I am a firm believer that we have got to have stronger families." I say, "I agree, but for what purpose?" I get a strange look, and the individual says, "You know, because we have got to have strong families." I say, "I agree, but WHY?" He gets frustrated, and says a little louder, as if I don't hear very well, "Because we need STRONGER FAMILIES!" You can see where this is headed. Some slightly deeper thinkers among this crowd may even throw in some stuff about transforming culture. Hardcore theonomists may state it in terms of retaking dominion of the institutions of power. Touchy-feely types may talk a lot about love conquering hate, or healing hearts broken by sin. These things are not wrong per se, but they miss the center of the mark.

The bad fruit of misunderstanding God's foundational purpose is often a form of idolatry. Our family (or worse yet, the family-integrated ministry model) becomes a sort of idol. Idolatry is when we substitute or place a created thing in the rightful place of the Creator. When we get ourselves backwards and pursue as our primary goal the family-integrated thing, the homeschooling thing, the patriarchy thing, the breeding thing, the modesty/home-baked bread thing, or the "making sure our boys are tough warriors and not wimpy" thing, instead of God's glory, idolatry is just around the corner. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with any of these things I have just mentioned. But they are means, not ends.

When we sink into this unconscious idolatry, we invariably adopt a peculiar (but all too common) form of legalism. Whatever our particular idol is, that becomes the measuring rod for our sanctification, our self-esteem, our relationships, and (most dangerously) our justification. While I acknowledge that being in a church that does not practice age-segregation has been an enormous blessing to me and my family, this does not mean that we were bereft of blessings in the various churches we have attended in our life that did not practice ministry in this manner. Conversely, I have seen a horrific legalistic spirit, totally absent of any love for their brethren, displayed by brothers and sisters who, in their quest for a more family-integrated church have brought down the judgment reserved for Sodom and Gomorrah against otherwise godly sessions for not totally reorienting the church on a dime at their request. This is made even more absurd when many of these zealous families don't even know the ultimate purpose for their zealotry.

Please understand what I am trying to get at here. I am a zealous supporter of many of the ideals and distinctive nuances of the pro-family movement, and the family-integrated ministry model that is becoming a larger and larger part of the church mosaic in our culture today. I believe that faithfulness in implementing this vision is one of the few bright lights on the horizon in the evangelical world (this is looking at the short term—I am a postmillennialist with a long-term optimistic view for the church). However, if we pursue this secondary vision without understanding it in light of the larger, primary vision, we are guilty of a form of worshipping the creature instead of the creator. This is what idolatry is. One of the most insidious fruits of idolatry of this sort is that it causes others who see the idolatry for what it is to ignore what is right about these secondary visions. These folks who are thoroughly world-infested in their orientation find it convenient to dismiss otherwise godly goals and ideals when they see them being implemented by idolatrous and contentious people who, for all their zealotry, miss the forest for the trees. This is particularly tragic, because what should rightly be a beacon of light actually is used by Satan to drive people further into the darkness of the world. I am particularly grieved when I see people who are so fervent in their pursuit of a "set apart" lifestyle without the understanding of the big picture of doing all things in love, for the glory of God and not our own. They end up causing weaker ones to stumble due to their misguided idolatry. Bring on the millstones!

Let's keep our eyes on the true goal, which is to glorify God and reflect the character of Christ. Let all of our efforts be subservient to that end alone. Only then will God truly bless us. Otherwise, we will become like the Pharisees, who missed the coming of the King when He was standing right in front of them. Their judgment was soon to be upon them. I pray we do not fall under that same type of judgment.

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